There is nothing I regret more than the lost chances of doing good. I wrote this once but did not write about the event behind it.
Once I was travelling by myself from Mumbai to Kuwait, by Jazeera Airways. Now Jazeera Airways is a low cost airline and in those days used to be very particular about the weight of the luggage and if it exceeded even a little over 20 kilos, the passenger was asked to pay for overweight. That night, as usual I reached the airport just in time to make the flight, in fact I was the last passenger, all the others except one, had gone into immigration. The person before me looked like a labourer. Strangely there was a problem. Strangely because labourers and blue collar workers usually travel very light, many with just an airbag. This particular passenger though, was overweight by about 5 kilos and he would have to pay around Rupees 1000/- as extra baggage charges. The passenger did not have any money with him. The person at the check in counter refused point blank, to waive the charge.
I looked at the man; thin, badly dressed, uneducated, with poverty screaming out from his every pore. I had seen many like him in my own home country and the airport was full of them, making their way to the countries of the Arabian Gulf to seek their livelihood. So many of them mortgaged or even sold their lands for the coveted visa to the promised lands. They borrowed from friends and relatives to buy the visa and ticket that would enable them to take the flight, to what they thought was prosperity. So many of them were duped by unscrupulous recruiting agents who sold visas dearly. They travelled to the desert with dreams of making a fortune, which soon dissipated in the scorching summer heat. Though the dreams turned quickly to dust when they faced reality, they were tied to their incomes, due to a lack of a better alternative in their home country, compounded by the needs of their family and dependants.
As Jazeera at that time, did not serve meals, I was carrying a little money for a sandwich and some coffee and a little extra. Rupees 1000/- to be exact. I looked at the man and thought of paying for his extra baggage. The airline official was very adamant that he either paid or he could not board the flight. The man could barely understand what was going on. Even as the angel on my right shoulder was prodding me to pay for him, the miserable devil on my left shoulder was speaking in a voice of calm reason, as is his wont. I hesitated and was lost. The official turned the passenger away and the poor man began walking with his unnecessary luggage away from the counter and towards the exit, and even as I moved to the counter and handed over my passport and ticket, he was swallowed up by the crowd and I had lost that moment to help a fellow soul in need.
What was the result of my inaction on that life? Did he lose his job? He certainly lost the money for his ticket. Was the money borrowed? How did his family survive if he lost his job, for not being able to reach in time? Was he ever able to get to Kuwait again or to any other place where he could earn enough to support his dependants?
The questions tortured me. I was unable to buy the meal that had cost a man his livelihood. That would have been a very expensive meal, one I could not afford or even I could it would have been impossible to swallow. But it was more than just my own survival for the next few hours that had stopped me. Most of the time I appear to be brash and bold but can be being painfully shy. At that moment my shyness had held me back, I had not been able to act and that inaction had proved to be unaffordable.
I am not being completely honest here, there was another reason also to that had held me back. It was a reason I am hesitant to mention because many will find it utterly ridiculous and even scoff, which would only be right. I thought, what if he is not supposed to be on that plane, what if there is a crash and he dies only because I made it possible. I know it sounds really, really stupid, but when that miserable little devil speaks in his soft, convincing voice of reason, one can, for a moment believe it. Unfortunately, often that moment is all one has.
It has been a few years but I still regret it and berate myself, when I remember, and I remember very often. After all when one is asked a simple question, to save or not save a life, the answer should be quite easy. I cannot accept that for me, it was not.
Another thing is that I believe that we are put in a particular place at a particular time for a reason, and Providence had put me there, to help that man and I failed. I do believe though, that Providence is not just kind but also wise and it would not depend completely on one person who was prone to being shy or silly but would have prepared a backup. There is also the off chance that Providence may have had a better alternative lined up for him and so arranged it in a way that he would not be able to travel. The fact that the unknown man may now actually be in a better position, doesn’t really help me deal with my shame and guilt.
The only way I will be able to forgive myself is perhaps by helping someone else when the occasion arrives.
Weaving Tapestries, Painting Pictures, Dreaming Dreams 
You have captured this so well, the crowds, the appearance, the confusion of the man and your own response and then the analyzing of that response. This strikes a strong chord with me as I have had my share of missed moments. It’s interesting – in public health we have the “60 Minutes Rule” – basically it means don’t do anything that may put you and your office onto 60 minutes. So you have have this subconscious evaluation of what you do (or in my case don’t do) As egotistical as it sounds to have my motivation be that, it sometimes helps.
thanks for this post.
Great Post, there are so many things that we want to become conscious of but it is always harder to put into practice.
Such incidents in life are oft created by a pair of persons or a group of people.He initiated the situation whereby he required a thousand rupees, which he did not have, nor anyone was willing to provide him, thus he lost his flight to the promised lands’ however God works in myriad of mysterious ways.
fate may well have decided that his future-his fate-lay closer by Your indecision on such matters it was probably not that his life was abjectly affected, but rather that either his influence on others he met along life’s path-or theirs on him lead the parties to a finer future.
It is like a race track with high walls on the sides and people can peep through holes to watch the race. however, those that climb the hill next to the race track-they can look over the fence and note that the two horses in the lead area headed towards large holes in the track-albeit-the horses which follow behind on the outside will place first second and third.
thus it’s on’s own sense of perception-and theirs of you- which shake the dice of fate-and its eventual outcome.
I oft notice folks who are not smiling walking around and I will catch their eyes and hold them until they either smile or laugh. “That” one exercise has created more smiles than one could ever imagine. as they carry on smiles to others of all ages.If you do it in a playground or marketplace- you can return to those areas and find the smiles are notably more than before the incident, I could go on and on on body language and micro and macro expressions-but I’ll leave that fr you to experiment with. Women do it naturally-most men fumble around with it. Once learned and understood it is a true game changer of life.
Len
Oh I do the smiles all the time, compliments too, if I really like something, seven times out of ten I am telling them, and the other three times I am wishing I had. There is too much negativity in this world, so if we can counter that we should as much as we can.
I think you had spoken to me of this incident, but when I read it here I was spellbound. There are times when I have felt like that man, helpless in situations but someone’s help has not been the reason of me emerging out of that situation with solution but my own thoughts and reflections as to what happened why and how and the confirmed idea that everything happens for a reason has been influential to find solutions. 🙂 and I am assured that the man has found the solution by now and unknowingly blesses you to lead him to that solution.
Though I am not trying to say that one must not extend a helping hand, not at all intending to say that either, infact God gives us reasons and numerous opportunities to demonstrate our humanitarian side, but I feel that at times when we miss these opportunities they are for a reason or for a cause that God knows better than we all do.
And as mentioned God will give you lots of opportunities to be more humane than you are and as I personally know you I am sure that you have made the most of many such instances in life of helping people, just one missed opportunity and the courage to acknowledge and remember it is an evidence of your humanity.
The conclusion I have come to after repeatedly analysing is that when we are put into a situation like this, where it is crystal clear what we have to do then we should just do it, not think about the who, where, why of it but just do our bit.
I have no doubt that a providence that had arranged for me to be there with the exact amount in my pocket, had left the fate of the poor man on me alone. No doubt it had also arranged a back up.
The man may not have lost out, but I did. I certainly feel that those who give us the chance to help them or do a good deed are doing us a far greater service than the one which we render them.
fate, destiny are all dependant on the good we send forward, as we walk along the path of life’s journey.